Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
she told me i tasted like america
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
