Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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