Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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