Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
