I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
