enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
