Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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