During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i wish my penis had a tongue
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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