Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
