Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
