We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
