Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
