I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
