Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
