He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
