how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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