I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
