I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
