im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize
