Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize
