We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
