apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
