one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
