If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
