All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
