Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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