the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
did i walk over a car last night?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
