Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
