quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
