Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
