Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
