I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
