I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
