We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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