I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
