If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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