Walk of Shame. In a state park.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
sarcasm needs its own font
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
