My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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