Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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