Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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