i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
