I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
