If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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