Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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