I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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