There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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