did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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