you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
