Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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