is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
