So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
