Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Randomize
